Answer
by TyPinG sLOwLy
Summary: "Have a Merry Christmas, Kyon. Here's my number xxx-xxxx, please write back with your own number. I feel as if you haven't been communicating with me as much as before.  Sasaki."
1. Prologue

"Hey, Kyon?"

Haruhi began asking me from behind, my neck prickling in response.

What is it now? You already mentioned how I should go about becoming Rudolph with a green nose instead of a red one so what other nonsense is going to spring out of your mouth?

"Have you ever wondered where 'if you're bad Santa'll give you coal instead of presents' came from? It's so stupid since the kids still get the gifts anyway even if they were the worst children on this planet."

How could you say that if you're one of those children?

While Haruhi was pointlessly rambling about meaningless things I started to drift about, my eyes wondering along the window sill. It was the day of the infamous Christmas party that Haruhi had announced only seven days in advance, leaving those with the minds of a bear in hibernation to feel left out.

I nodded at whatever came out of Haruhi's lips.

"Hey, are you even listening?"

Ever the mind reader, Haruhi? Haruhi puckered her lips like a sick duck who had been stuck in ice for over a month. I decided to answer her pointless question about Old Saint Nick with modesty.

"Sure, I get you."

"No you don't."

I groaned as Haruhi waved her finger around as if it was her magic wand.

"Kyon, you need to realize the truths about reality or else you won't get anywhere in life! That's why finding out why such a stupid saying would ever be invented should be a priority! That's what the SOS Brigade's about, haven't I told you this already?"

I'm not sure if finding aliens, time travelers, espers, or some truth about an unimportant statement made by the commercial industry of the modern world as "realizing the truths about reality".

Unless her sixth sense was kicking in again.

Which it probably was.

And I still don't really get what the Brigade is about. Are you still sure about your statement just now?

Haruhi grumbled as she sat back in her chair and breathed onto the glass.

"Whatever. I just wanted you to have more spirit. Reindeers aren't suppose to nag, they're suppose to guide Santa in the sky, get it?"

I thought they were just some sub-species of the moose that lived in the far north not a guided missile. Haruhi smirked as if she had just thought of either another costume that Asahina-san could wear or another way to unleash her unconscious powers onto the world, God forbid. However, she didn't say anything so I decided to let the fire die out before I got third degree burns. Okabe walked up to the front of the room and class got silent.

After school, Haruhi ran ahead screaming something about "getting the hot pot ready". You of course know the rest of what happened that Christmas eve night, reindeer humiliation, a hot pot that could blow off the top of Mont. Fuji - trash and all, and a New Years trip that would probably have that trash be thrown onto.

Otherwise it was a normal Brigade activity.

I retired home, seeing my little sister spring up from below me carrying a helpless Shamisen. At the rate she wears him down, I wouldn't be surprised if he was turned into a Shamisen.

"Christmas letter for Kyon-kun! What, oh what, could it be, Shami~?"

She began humming another tuneless tune, shoving a letter into my hand then spinning in circles along with Shamisen. May your nine lives rest in peace but just make sure you don't cling onto me for support. I remembered that I still needed to clip your claws.

I went into my room with Shamisen chasing after me, leaving me in silence.

I sighed as I collapsed onto my bed holding that letter up to the light.

Right on Chrismas Eve, that's just like her.

I opened it without hesitating, seeing a simple white card with a snow flake on the front. This type of card would be expected from Nagato – maybe Haruhi. It was very normal and dull. I slid it in my fingers, opening the card expecting a wall of text to come spilling out at me.

No such text existed. Only three lines existed.

"_Have a Merry Christmas, Kyon. Here's my number xxx-xxxx, please write back with your own number. I feel as if you haven't been communicating with me as much as before._

Sasaki."

For some reason, the sudden joy I had found with the hot pot spectacular had suddenly drifted away leaving me at square one again. If I was even square to begin with. I dropped my hand that had suddenly gotten heavy and loosened it's muscles with a long sigh.

Sasaki . . . you have a way of making me feel guilty don't you? That's what you had been doing the whole time during middle school. . . Before I could think up my response, my sister burst through the door.

"Santa's letter, Santa's letter! All right!"

And so began my sister's epic struggle to create the letter that Santa had always wanted to see, the letter that would strike tears in his eyes as he ate the cookies that served as bait and bribery.

I wondered what my parents would come up with this year?

My sister hummed as she scrawled on her paper singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and other related songs.

After she finished, I had completely forgotten about what I would write back to Sasaki. I pulled out an empty cheap card that came in little packs and wrote the brief response "_Merry Chrismas too. Hope it was great."_ And completely forgot to finish whatever I was going to write next. Looking back at the letter would be too much of a hassle.

Oh well, can't live on regrets now can I?

The next morning was Christmas morning. My parent's ninja job had been completed with my sister going unawares once again. I got nothing of any real importance or anything I considered a rare memorable. Just stuff that was convenient. If I didn't know otherwise, I was probably getting cold coals along with fiery flames. My sister gasped at everything she unwrapped as if it was really from a fat old man with serious facial hair issues.

Next year will probably be the same. . .

I suddenly got a call from, you guessed it, Haruhi.

"Met us at the station at ten sharp. Don't be late."

Didn't you tell me this yesterday when we left?

"Yeah but you'd probably skip out since it's a holiday."

I would probably forget about every holiday if you weren't there nagging about every one that flew past us. Oh, and you still forgot about Halloween.

"That doesn't count alright!"

Before I could retort she hung up.

Hugs and kisses Haruhi . . .

* * *

Who knew that this generation of kids were so serious? They might've chuckled a little at my failed attempts at comedy but it almost looked like they were laughing at me and not at the stupid jokes I told.

I brought the letter addressed to Sasaki along with me so that I could send it to her as I was out. I wasn't sure if the postal services were closed on Christmas but I could always try. Otherwise, I would forget later.

After the children's party fiasco, Haruhi dismissed us with a wave reminding us that the snow mountain extravaganza would be next week. For once I was looking forward to something, however the fact that Kozumi had planned another mystery made me weary. I wouldn't work my brain too hard on the trip though, I've had plenty of thinking over this past week.

"Bye, see you tomorrow Kyon."

Asahina-san waved politely, with her practically glowing. Nagato filed past her without bothering to turn around. For some reason, I felt and annoyed aura coming from her. Nagato, annoyed? Maybe the kids got to her . . . they were climbing all over her during the party like a jungle gym. I certainty would be annoyed by that.

Kozumi made his exit as always, making some pointless somewhat related comment as he strode away with a smile. I had no time to be annoyed as the letter continued to weigh down my coat pocket.

"So . . . this is the first day you need to pay for us . . ." Haruhi said, making a mental check out loud. Technically, I'd still be paying anyway since I was "late". I didn't say anything though as Haruhi continued to stare into space. The sunset cast a dark shadow onto her face and I turned to look her in the face.

"So . . . see you tomorrow?" I asked. Weird . . . why was I so hesitant? I usually left as soon as Nagato went but for some reason something was off with Haruhi. Was she not satisfied about the party? I mean, even I was satisfied and even I know how rare that was. What was up with her?

We probably stood there for a good two minutes but it felt as long as the half-life of Uranium. If I didn't leave now then the post office would be definitely closed, whether it was Christmas or not.

Yet I couldn't leave.

"Idiot. How long are you going to stand there?"

I snapped out of whatever trance I was in as I saw the pissed off face of Haruhi.

"Huh?"

"Come on, we're getting a coffee. Since you were late today I need to find another way to punish you. You're so horrible. Two punishments stacked up onto each other! Stop slacking around."

She suddenly grabbed my coat sleeve and lead us back into the café we had just left. Why would she want another coffee? Didn't she just have one?

Accepting my fate, I was lead past the automated doors – the waitress hesitating as she realized we had come back – and sat in the seats we had just been sitting in.

We remained silent even as the waitress came by to take our order.

"Hey."

I attempted to make conversation but was met with a dull ". . ."

"Haruhi."

Still nothing. She looked out the window solemnly. Haruhi . . . what is it now? Aren't you happy? It's Christmas, you were jumping up and down ten minutes ago. What's changed? Did Kozumi say something weird to you? Did you actually see Santa Clause yesterday and are too stunned to say anything?

. . . Now that just isn't possible, what's with me?

"What's–"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

Wait, shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one who dragged me back in here with the excuse of "double penalty". You're the one acting strange, not me.

"I said, what's wrong with you. You've been staring out the window the entire time the Brigade was in here. Then when we leave, you don't even try to go. You just stood there like a total moron."

Haruhi shook her head.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

"Then what's with you? I mean you didn't even bother leaving me behind, it would've saved you the trouble."

"You're the one who's in trouble, stupid! Now you need to pay for two coffees."

Stop calling me stupid, damn it! It's getting on my nerves. And you haven't even ordered your first coffee yet.

Haruhi continued burning and I was starting to melt as if I was a bug underneath a magnifying glass. The waitress must've heard the word coffee for one happened to appear underneath Haruhi's nose. She didn't even bother looking at it.

"You know what you said seven months ago?"

"What I said seven months ago?"

"About the SOS Brigade having some secret behind my back."

Oh, _that_. I would rather you forget about it...

"What about it?"

"Was that really a joke?"

". . ."

I dumbly stared Haruhi in the face.

"Yeah it was. Sorry 'bout that."

Haruhi looked like she bought it as she sat back in seat, almost looking disappointed.

"You shouldn't say stupid jokes like that. People could actually take it seriously someday and where would you be then?"

I struggled to look Haruhi in the eyes, so I decided to look out the window.

"There you go, looking out the window again. Whatever you're thinking, just spit it out. If it's another joke, I'll behead you for real. And I'm serious."

Somehow, this conversation seemed familiar. Haruhi was regretting something and was trying to get something out of me. Does any of this seem familiar? I just can't tell deja vu from nostalgia anymore with what I've been through. I can't be blamed, can I?

After a moment that could be as short as microwaving instant noodles, Haruhi grabbed her cooled off coffee and grumbled an inaudible word.

Haven't I been saying what's on my mind the entire time? What else is she asking for?

. . . Oh well, might as well try something.

"Have you ever gotten a letter from someone you hadn't seen in a while that only had three lines in it?"

. . . Uh . . . anything but that? When she says "spit out whatever you're thinking" make sure it's the opposite of what you're actually thinking next time. Haven't you already figured this out yet, me?

"No, why would I? I never write back to any of my relatives so I don't really care."

Thank God she's so oblivious, unless I need to thank her for her own obliviousness that she had granted herself. Whatever, either way I'm thanking someone.

Unfortunately, that wasn't what I was actually thinking and that wasn't what she actually said.

"What, was it an offending Christmas letter or something? Can I see it, you must have it on you to be thinking about it."

Damn it! Fortunately, I didn't have said letter on me otherwise I would've been running out of there by now. But I did have my response . . .

Well, maybe I should run after all?

Haruhi – probably seeing the resistance in my eyes – made a pounce at my jacket, right when the waitress was coming by with someone's eggnog. I stood up out of my chair suddenly to dodge the ever present Haruhi but my feet were tangled up in their sitting position, making me flail around in the air. Haruhi fell to her knees but sprang up to the jacket pocket that had the response in it. How she knew it was in there, I would never know. I was still flailing about like a baby bird so when a strong force practically tipped me over, I fell right onto the waitress with said eggnog.

Guess I'll have to pay for that too, huh?

Haruhi, oblivious to the fact that warm eggnog was dripping all over my head and shoulders, reached into my pocket and grabbed the artifact. She got off me satisfied, leaving me to deal with the waitress on my own. How embarrassing . . .

After my wallet emptied for the second time today and wouldn't stop emptying any time soon, Haruhi made her comments on my letter.

"What a lame response."

"How are you suppose to convince whoever sent a letter to _you_ to have a merry Christmas?"

"Who would send a Christmas card to you anyway? You're such a loser that I thought you're middle school people wouldn't care."

"Though, a response like this is expected from you so I shouldn't be surprised."

After a long lecture on caring whether or not I write a poem of winter on the back of the card, I interrupted Haruhi.

"Does this really matter? I didn't really think my response would engrave a huge impression anyway. I just wanted to get it out of the way."

"Who are you sending it too anyway?"

. . . Just someone from middle school who was nice enough to remember me, that's all.

"Oh . . ." Haruhi sighed as she put the card back in it's envelop. "I thought that . . . well never mind. It doesn't really matter anyway."

. . . What? She gave up so easily? After all of that?

Haruhi returned the card to me and began staring outside. I grew nervous as I saw her melancholic face. _What is she thinking of doing now_?

She got up from her seat and began heading towards the door. I felt like telling her something but . . . I couldn't find the words. I just couldn't think of anything.

"I guess I just wanted one coffee. I don't want to be up all night. You'll take the bill alright? See yeah."

I just couldn't let her leave.

"Haruhi, wait."

Haruhi stopped and turned around.

"What?"

". . . What else should I say? In the letter."

Haruhi stared at me as if I was crazy. She then preceded to stomp off shouting this over her shoulder.

"Tell 'em how you've been, I don't know! I wouldn't know, stupid!"

And left, leaving both me and the poor waitress in wonder.

The next day I decided to take Haruhi's words seriously and added two extra lines to the card. Hopefully, she'll regret it later.

"_Merry Christmas too. Hope it was great._ _Haruhi Suzumiya wishes you a Happy New Year. I'm good."_

_. . . _Maybe a bit too blunt but at least it was something.

I mailed it as I was on my way to the Brigade meeting, the letter being safely transported to it's final destination. All the while, I had forgotten to write down my cell phone number that the letter had requested . . .

. . . Let's just say I didn't remember any of that, shall we?


	2. Game Over :a:

. . . Except I did.

It might have been a memory that I had thrown away, wishing upon wish that this curse would go away as if I was praying upon an empty God. In theory, that event held no purpose. So, it's chapter hadn't been written. The items that Haruhi Suzumiya deemed important _should _be important and the items that go unnoticed _should _continue to go unnoticed.

So, what was Haruhi even thinking?

I only wished that I could know.

That day, Haruhi Suzumiya and Sasaki first collided – they had a first glimpse of each other – and it was all my fault.

The next morning, the morning after the first years had marched into the clubroom contending to become members, my life in the SOS Brigade had changed forever.

* * *

"Kyon! Wake up! It's morning today Shami~!"

I groaned, my head more weighted today then normal. Fortunately, my sister was more interested in the once-talking-cat than beating me to a pulp. I groggily got up to look out the window.

A normal spring day.

Well, isn't that nice for once? A day that's _normal_. I pushed my sister aside and got ready for the SOS Brigade exam day for the first years. I would pray for those lost souls who even dared to try and take it but they were asking for it. I'm sorry but I'm just not into the "learn from your elder's mistakes" thing since being an older sibling would give me no right to this principle, ever.

I decided to munch my breakfast down fast and made my way towards school after dismissing my sister to her older looking play mate.

Everything was pretty normal, wasn't it?

The walk up the hill still seemed as dull and straining as it normally was. My breakfast was still having trouble digesting as it normally did. My uniform was still as uncomfortable as it usually was. Everything was normal, even Haruhi couldn't object to that.

But something was different.

It felt as if my body was a bit more worn out then usual. Almost as if I was stressed out over something – something big. Why would I be stressed? Strange events surrounding Haruhi (besides that Sasaki incident) haven't happened in awhile. I climbed this damn hill every morning so it couldn't be that. Haruhi wasn't bothering me at all because she was too distracted with the first years. So what was it? What's wrong with me?

Or even scarier – what was wrong with the world?

"Yo, Kyon."

I heard an unintelligent voice from behind me, causing me to turn around.

"Ah, Tanaguchi. . ."

Haven't talked to him in a while. Ever since we changed classes, he stood a distance away from me for some reason.

"_So . . . _why are you just standing here? I saw you stop a couple minutes ago from far away."

Huh, really?

"Yeah, you were totally weirded out. You better not have Suzumiya rub too much weirdness on you or else I really might have to stay away."

I glared at him as he laughed and began walking forward. I followed further behind.

"So, how's the love of your life doing?"

"What? I'm sorry, I can't hear you."

"Suzumiya. What schemes have she been planning? I heard that she was trying to recruit people for the literary club."

Yeah well you must've heard wrong. I still don't get how the student council president couldn't have caught her by now if so many first years found out about the SOS Brigade's recruitment plan. Wait, I'm making it sound like Haruhi was some evil Nazi general who was trying to secretly recruit people from the United States behind the president's back. Whatever, not like the government had anything to do with anything.

"Yeah, but she's recruiting for the SOS Brigade and some how, ten– no wait, eleven – freshmen were caught in her trap."

"Really? Wow, Suzumiya's amazing as always."

And you pointing that out wouldn't do anyone else any good, now would it?

I'm sort of surprised. Normally, gossip about Haruhi would spread among the people like pollen being forced out of an infertile daisy. If thosestupid rumors about me and Haruhi being "up to something" didn't count, it's pretty amazing that no one caught on. I'm more surprised that the freshmen that was kicked out the other day didn't call to complain to his friends causing Taniguchi to somehow know about the incident in it's blown-out-of-proportion manner.

But he didn't.

Normally I would say, "Well, he's a loser anyway," but I'm not too sure that even a loser like him wouldn't know what Haruhi was doing, especially since he's from East Junior High.

Just what am I trying to say here?

I was having another one of my unfortunate sixth-sense-moments-dealing-with-Haruhi. And usually when my sixth sense kicks in, things aren't going to be good. At all.

. . . Whatever. If it isn't Haruhi's problem then it would ultimately become my problem and that's how it always turned out so I can't be complaining now.

Right?

The classroom was hustling around as usual when I got to class and Haruhi was staring out the window as usual. Nothing strange so far. I began walking towards her and saw her cheerless face. No not a melancholic face. It wasn't the face of someone thinking about the philosophies of life.

No, Haruhi looked truly miserable. An expression I rarely saw and would most likely never want to see again.

But wasn't she satisfied? She got her first years that she had always wanted. The feeling of pride that she had wanted. Did all of the first years email her (if they even _knew _the SOS Brigade's email), telling her to sign the pink slip ahead of time? Did the first year's lack of questions or comments leave her feeling empty?

Somehow, this sadness was similar to that feeling of a certain time during Christmas. A feeling of emptiness.

Really Haruhi.

When will you ever be happy?

I said nothing as I sat in front of her – not keen on starting a tsunami before the earthquakes had even started. It was a pretty smart move if I didn't say so myself except that Haruhi started the conversation before I could even stay quiet for five minutes. I guess the cataclysm began here ...

"You were acting weird yesterday. Care to explain? Just running out like that doesn't solve any problems you know."

. . . Wait, what?

"I mean, Yuki didn't even need the stuff you brought her yesterday and there's been a strange feeling in my gut that something happened between you two. Care to explain?"

. . .

"What, playing silent all of a sudden? I know I've said this probably a million times before but you need to tell me when you have a problem. . . And what's with that weird face you're giving me? Stop dishonouring your Brigade Chief!"

. . . I was staring at her as if she was and alien with four skulls attached to her hands with a sickle in her gut while she was singing "Marry Had A Little Lamb" in a demonic voice.

In other words, I was both freaked out and bewildered.

Haruhi . . . I never did any of that. I never ran out of Nagato's place – if that's what you're saying – and I never bought stuff for her – whatever stuff I had even bought. Unless . . . I time traveled? When? Why? And what was Haruhi doing at Nagato's yesterday? In any case, I had to remain silent or else she would find out. If she hadn't already . . .

"Why aren't you talking? See, you're acting weird now too. Stop it, alright? Yuki having the flu is enough for me right now. I don't want you to succumb to something as stupid as empathy."

"Wha–?" I accidentally blurted out before turning around in my desk to face the front rapidly, hiding my horrified expression.

Nagato . . . _influenza_ . . . acting weird . . . running away?

_What the hell is going on?_

I felt like bursting out at Haruhi – I wanted to tell her that what she was saying was wrong.

But I couldn't because if I did, who knew what could happen? I continued hiding my mouth with my hand. I felt a hard stab at the back, practically forcing me to look directly in Haruhi's face.

"What the hell is wrong with you? And what do you mean by 'wha–'? You know what I'm talking about idiot!"

No, no I don't know what you're talking about. Not at all Haruhi. But I still couldn't say anything. All I could do was watch her. Haruhi's expression turned from sour to dark and petrifying. Probably the scariest face I've ever seen from her (besides that hundred-watt-smile).

I had to decide.

Should I run out of there and find Nagato. No wait, Nagato was with the flu even though that seems entirely unlikely that whatever she has is even the flu. Maybe Kozumi? No, he's already in class and the bell is about to ring. Asahina-san wasn't even an option to begin with since all she'd say is "classified information" and though I hate to admit it, it can become a bit annoying after awhile.

No offence to her of course but none of that matters. What mattered were the options and I had so few of them.

So, my only choice was to sit in front of Haruhi till lunch.

Damn. . . that basically constitutes as a game over! Though . . . if I ran out of here now, Haruhi would only grow more suspicious of me and those blue trolls from the deep would spring out of hiding again. But . . . I can't hold my surprise in for much longer. Being around Haruhi could risk the discovery that I don't remember anything that has happened in this world. Nothing at all.

In the end, I grabbed my bag and made a sprint out of there with Haruhi's confused yelps following me. I stepped out as soon as Okabe-sensei stepped in so Haruhi had no choice but to stay in class and not follow me.

. . . But this is Haruhi . . . isn't it?

I didn't want to take any chances that she could be behind me so I made like a turtle in mud and ran out of the school building towards the old building – home of the SOS Brigade/Literary club room.

* * *

I had been through something like this before but this scenario was totally different. Hauhi is here and Nagato was her normal self (maybe not but I hoped)? I still have no idea if Kozumi and Asahina-san knew who I was or if this was the SOS Brigade club room to begin with (although haruhi screaming Brigade chief made me think otherwise). So, I was relieved when my SOS Brigade club room still looked the same as I stepped through the door without even bothering to knock. Minus the Styrofoam cups that Haruhi hadn't bothered to take back to the cafeteria, everything looked the same.

I placed my bag on the long table and decided to look through it to see if there were any hints as to what I was doing in this world before I was teleported/transported against my will. I still had the normal light textbooks that I dragged home in order to complete homework but I noticed that my Math II notebook that Haruhi had casually thrown in there yesterday had completely disappeared along with the Styrofoam cups.

For some reason, that really set me off.

I know I didn't even bother looking at the notes that Haruhi had even cared to write in the textbook and would never look at whatever she had pointed out again but . . . it reminded me that I was in a different world and however I had gotten here, I had replaced someone.

That someone being myself.

Haruhi knows who I am so I must have existed before as a living person; I didn't just slide in here along with the "other" me. So where was this other "me"? Where did he go?

. . . I'm sure that Nagato will tell me when I find her. I'm not even suppose to be here, I'm suppose to be behind Haruhi not listening to whatever my history teacher had to say. I was suppose to be wondering what those pesky little first years were up too.

Everything was normal. I was never meant to write this chapter down but here I am, right now.

I should stop thinking right now, I needed to do something.

The computer of course. That always had some sort of answer. I was already over there; the feeling of switching it on was almost as fluid as breathing. I wanted there to be a message from Nagato there but . . . the screen just remained black. Nothing was there.

Until . . .

"%&_∑=≠∇∞∝∖⌉α!_ . . .)(*653#_"

Even more and more unrecognizable sequences filled the screen, leaving it mostly white instead of black. My eyes widened and my grip on the mouse could have killed a real mouse. I didn't even see the normal "YUKI N." that was at the beginning of her messages. It almost felt as if Nagato was dead to the world – only uncomprehensible messages as her last word. I soon lost control of myself.

"Damn it, Nagato!"

I punched the desk causing it to shake.

I wanted to smash this stolen computer through the window but I was more controlled then that. I had to type something before these symbols stopped scrolling. I was even starting to see symbols that weren't of any language, almost reminding me of the message "I am here".

I typed in a hurried fashion.

_Nagato, what's wrong?_

"&$&^*&)*$&67673*&&&278&(*#8(7*7*~3984+_)wlhrieuo_"

My message had faded away even before I could read my own words.

_Nagato!_

I tried typing it over and over again to try and get her attention or to possibly stop whatever, was attacking her message but it was no good. No good, no good, no good! It was as if she had been taken ahold of by a virus. But who would hack her (if that's even possible)?

A flash of a dead face among the infinit symbols reminded me . . .

Kuyou Suyou.

She did this to her.

No doubt in my mind, she did this to her – no – it did this to her.

And she was doing this to me.

Maybe.

I didn't know for sure.

Suddenly, the symbols stopped and I held in my breath. I typed in Nagato's name again to get a response.

No response.

Again.

No response.

I probably filled the start up menu with a dozen of calls to Nagato but I still didn't find a single reply. I then decided that just typing in Nagato wouldn't get me anywhere so I typed "What's wrong?"a couple times before finally giving up.

I was about to slam my head against the window in defeat before the cursor began to move on it's own. I rushed to look at the screen, hoping that Nagato could help me.

But . . . it didn't even seem as if it was a reply.

"_gmae oerv__"

_"_Gmae oerv?"

"__snow__"

". . ."

I continued looking at the screen even as the computer began to boot up. Gmae oerv? Snow?

Was this Nagato speaking or that virus?

Gmae oerv? Snow?

_Game over._

I began clicking around and saw that the SOS Brigade website was still there along with my MIKURU folder. I barely heard the bell ring and I realized that Haruhi would probably be stomping over here at any moment in search for me. I had to get out of there even though I wanted to search the room a bit more. I had to find Kozumi at, my best guess would be, the cafeteria.

But I could run into Haruhi if I go to the cafeteria . . . and I really didn't want to face her after my strange moves today.

Should I just leave the school? Nagato's apartment seemed lika a good idea. I had to make sure that – that . . . _thing_ didn't swallow her whole. This was a rare chance to save Nagato instead of her saving me for once. Always a good thing when you can repay a debt.

. . . unless she isn't even there.

"Game Over" will never sound friendly unless you saved before dying. Please say that you saved Nagato! It'll make everything much easier . . . for all of us.


	3. Question

"Hey Kyon," I heard Sasaki from behind me.

It was February and I was almost ready to claw at my cram session teachers, barely able to even keep up with anything they blabbed into my ear. Oh, they didn't seem to enjoy anything either so I copied them.

Sasakitook her usually seat beside me and stared up at me with her elbow on her desk.

What's with that look?

"Y-yo?" I stuttered, confused if I should remark on such an entrance. It was pretty odd. Today, Sasaki didn't come to the usual place at the station. I stood and waited for at least ten minutes for her to show up but she didn't. I had to walk alone in the evening sky wondering if Sasaki would be alright.

It turns out she was late. I mean, is that even possible?

"Well, it seems as if I was late today. Sorry to keep you up like that Kyon but I had business to attend to."

Hmm, and what business would that be?

Sasaki gave me her smile, a smile of dread (for me) and of amusement (for her).

"Why are you looking so hopeful. Are you expecting something? You know, if a person goes on living with such a hopeful mind, things would eventually turn against them."

"Who said I was hopeful? You were the one who showed up late."

Sasaki giggled softly and gazed out the window.

"Today's Sunday . . ."

"Well yeah. I always hate the end of the weekend."

Sasaki paused for a split second thinking over my words. I started wondering what interesting thing I could have said this time but she shook her head.

"Do you remember what you told me near the beginning of summer? You were rambling on about how much you wanted a meteor to hit Japan."

I looked at her over my shoulder with a confused frown.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I just find that statement really naive. Actually, it's what I hate most about this world."

"What?"

I rose my eyebrow at her as if she was talking to an old war fighter who had passed away two years ago and was now a ghost. Sasaki didn't budge from her affirmative position, she only continued on.

"I sort of wonder . . . why I spend my time with you then. If you are the definition of the mistakes of the world."

Whoa, whoa whoa. Wait. Did she just–? No, that wasn't an attack, right? Sasaki . . . are you alright in the head?

She looked at me straight in the eyes then blinked. She removed her hand from her chin then shrugged.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking to myself. How long have you believed in Santa Clause?"

Sasaki . . . people don't verbally attack each other and then ask each other pointless questions. Unless you're about to go on another one of your psychological rants again . . .

"What do you mean by 'how long have I believed in Santa Clause'? I mean, who even asks those types of questio—"

"Just answer."

". . ."

I glared into her docile eyes then swung them towards the front of the classroom.

"Class is starting, maybe later."

"I see . . ."

No, I don't see Sasaki. I don't see at all . . .

Cram school was created for either the knowledge hungry or depraved. Now, if you had heard of a homeless shelter that helped the homeless and the rich then the world would definitely be better in someone else's hands. Sasaki was the type of person to reach out to find more and even if the truth was terrible, she would take it like a medival torture tactic.

But, I realized that day that Sasaki was like any other human being in the world.

Alone.

"Well, it seems that today's session is over."

I sighed deeply as I stretched, barely listening to Sasaki state the clear obvious. I can't wait to hand my mother my mock exam grades. I'm _sure _she'll be thrilled. I picked up my stuff and slid on my jacket, ready to face the unbelievably freakishly cold weather. Oh no wait, I wasn't ready at all, never mind.

Sasaki followed behind me, passing a few onlookers who were staring at us as if they were expecting something. What, did we just kill someone or something? We walk past every single day and it wasn't like we were going to jump out suddenly and say "Eureka!". I mean, is Sasaki really "known" around here?

I grabbed my bike from the rack outside however Sasaki didn't even bother looking for her's.

"Where's your bike?"

"I took the train."

Exactly how late was she? If she was only ten minutes late, she would've beat me to cram school in no time flat. You know what, it doesn't even matter.

"You still haven't answered."

I stopped pushing my bike along to look Sasaki in the face.

"What? That weird question about Santa Clause?"

"Well, I've asked you weirder questions before."

True.

"Okay, so. 'When did I stop believing in Santa Clause?' Well his entire existence has seemed phony to begin with, in my opinion."

"Really?" Sasaki asked.

". . . What? Did that seem too unbelievable to you or something?"

"No . . . I just thought that a person like you would have admitted to believing in a childhood dream."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

". . ."

We remained silent as we went down the road. Everything was so freezing; I wished that spring would make it's appearance soon. Or maybe, I didn't want spring to appear.

Middle School would end, then.

And Sasaki . . .

I remembered earlier on when we chose our high schools her disappointed face.

"_I mean, you're not going to even try? I thought you were smarter then that, Kyon._"

"Well, this is where we part."

The train station. How did we get here so fast?

"I'll see you tomorrow at school. I'll make sure that you're alive after those mock exams are shown to your mom."

"Wait."

Sasaki raised her eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously.

"What, Kyon?"

I . . . forgot about something. Something about today. What was it? For some reason, when Sasaki was blabbing on about how she hated whatever I believed and wondered about why she stuck around me and then Santa Clause . . .

I had forgotten about something. I just . . . can't . . .

"Is everything okay, Kyon?"

I must have been looking at her weirdly because she was giving me mock concern. I opened my mouth once and then again, trying to find the words to say to her.

"W-what's today's date?" I asked.

Sasaki smiled slightly, almost laughing at my forgetfulness.

"You really forgot the date? I mean, I know these mock exams really—"

"Sasaki. Just tell me the date."

Sasaki's smile fell and her eyes landed onto mine.

"February 14th."

February 14th. Valentines day.

We remained quiet for a while and Sasaki's eyebrows were beyond the sky.

"What, were you expecting something?"

She had already said that today, hadn't she?

"I already told you, Kyon. Love is only an instinct Humans created that wishful ideal that a person was different then other organic life forms in the universe. I already explained this to you, remember? Valentines day is only a dream — an imaginary image that we wished love was. You need to realize that Valentines day has a Santa Clause too, Kyon."

So that's why. That's why she was going on and on about Santa Clause. But . . . why was I so hopeful?

And why was Sasaki denying me when I hadn't even said anything?

"You are like every man on the earth, Kyon. And I – although weird – am like any woman on the earth. The only difference is that I don't want to be like any woman on the earth. So . . ."

Sasaki walked over to the other end of the street. Most cars were scarce, I realized, and it was very quiet. Too quiet.

"No matter what. I will never, ever fall in love."

". . ."

I saw her roll her bike over from the side of the building that said "no bikes" and stopped at the curb.

"Good night, Kyon."

"Wait."

She paused as she began walking away to look at me.

"What?"

I realized that my hand was outstretched, almost as if to freeze her in time and space. I don't think it was working. . .

". . . Nothing, sorry."

"You understand then."

She smiled and then walked off into the darkness.

The snow drifted down gently onto my shoulders. Sasaki . . . is it right to live that way? I mean, to not believe in anything, in the unknown, probably aliens, or even love. I began walking home as the little snow blizzard picked up almost blowing me away.

Or maybe . . . she's right.

I've been ignoring whatever she had been saying for the past year but maybe . . . I had been listening.

_"Have you been reading too many sci-fi books, Kyon?"_

_"What do you mean, 'probability'? It is possibility, only. And that possibility is so small, wouldn't it be better to just call it impossible?"_

_"Love is an instinct."_

"_Why would you want to be a writer? To write about the unreal only makes a person more of a wishful psychologist then anything._"

_"How long have you believed in Santa Clause?"_

_"No matter what. I will never, ever fall in love."_

_"Then you understand."_

. . . I had been listening. She said the same things over and over again everyday for the past year, so how could I not have been listening?

_And she's right._

All I've done during middle school was run away. I would run towards anything, books, T.V shows, aliens, time travelers, I even pretended to mind read once. What was I running from? What was this evil living creature I had been running away from for most of my life?

— Reality.

— What?

— Stop playing these stupid games.

— What games?

— You know . . . stop pretending.

— Pretending _what_ — ?

— _That you were actually someone special._

Sasaki was always right.

Everyone is a speck of dust.

Everyone.

Even me.


End file.
